


I Need You

by HunterJamie



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Depressive Thoughts, F/F, F/M, Parental Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Unhealthy dependence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:14:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26863489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HunterJamie/pseuds/HunterJamie
Summary: Lilith has to leave for a bit, and with Charlie still at the hotel, Lucifer is left alone. He hopes he will be fine, but his thoughts start to tear him down without his family there to keep them at bay.
Relationships: Charlie Magne/Vaggie, Lilith Magne/Lucifer Magne
Comments: 12
Kudos: 40





	I Need You

Lucifer smiled at his wife from the doorway as he watched her pack her bags up. He adored watching as she got ready to go, how meticulously she folded everything up and made everything fit. He loved how her fingers curled gently as to not let any of her claws catch or tear the fabric. Everything she did always made him feel light-headed and his chest warm, sometimes there was the added bonus of heat between the legs.

Well… almost everything.

No, this time he felt sick, weak in the legs, and like a scream needed to rip from his throat. He should have been fine, but he wasn't. He was terrified just like he had been when he had been cast out. Lilith was leaving, just for a time, but the two of them would be separate for too long. The times this happened before Charlie was born were complete messes. And now, now he was going to be alone, Charlie on the other side of the pentagram.

He wanted to call his hell-spawn up, to have a visit. It would be useless, though, seeing as she was busy trying to keep the hotel running. Then there was the fact the two were still not on speaking terms. She still only called her mother. He wanted to call her, but feared too much that she was still upset with him after their fight…

“Just call her, love.” Lucifer blinked out of his thoughts to look up at his beautiful wife. She had her bag on the floor and was standing right in front of him. He had started to get into his head, not even noticing her moving closer. “I know what you fear. Just call her. I am sure she would love to talk to you again. Even if just a small visit.” She lowered herself down, kissing him gently on the lips.

He gave a gentle hum as his hand raised to cup her cheek. “I can not. I… I fear I messed this one up worse than any other mistake in my existence. That fight-”

Lilith silenced him with another kiss before standing straighter. “It was harsh, yes, and you said many things that hurt her… But fights can be mended from.” She grabbed her bag, starting to walk out. She placed a hand on her husband’s shoulder as they walked. “I have told Charlie that I will be away. I also encouraged her to call you if she needs anything. But I do also encourage you to do the same.” She squeezed his shoulder gently once they got to the large doors. 

The king looked up at her, taking a deep breath. “I… I should be fine. Just… worried is all.” He tried to smile, taking her hand to kiss the knuckles. “I have the means to keep myself busy. And I do have a need to keep an eye on Alastor. That demon may not be wishing ill for our little angel, but he is still a threat I do not plan to underestimate.”

“Of course.” The woman pulled him into a hug, taking his hat off carefully to run a hand through his hair. “I will be back as soon as I can.” She kissed his head. “I love you, and I will always be with you.” She smiled lovingly at him before kissing him one last time, lingering a bit before unfurling large bat-like wings common with her kind of demon. 

Before she could fly off, Lucifer smiled to her as well, whispering into her lips. “I love you, so much.” He let out a sigh as he watched her leave to reak havoc in the realm he can’t touch. His heart felt heavy as her frame vanished. 

After a moment, he smacked his cheeks to get his head out of his thoughts. “Okay, Luci. Time to get busy.” He put his hat on and turned to grab his cane. He twirled it a bit and went through his plans for the day. He was going to be okay.

~~~

“Stop it.” Lucifer stared at the paperwork he was attempting to read. It was a report on development in one of the areas and what to do about the inhabitants living there. There were some suggestions, but he could barely focus on them. He started to go over it, just to think of the best method to move the people out-

 _Push them away just like Charlie…_

He stood quickly from his seat. It had only been three days since Lilith left. He wasn’t smiling, wasn’t faking his glee at the misery of those around him, the fear that they showed him. He couldn’t with the thoughts starting to come forward. “This should be simple…” He closed his eyes, only a moment, the image of Charlie’s tears in his mind as though they had just fought yesterday. 

_You are just like **Him**. Can’t even handle your daughter being different._

“Shut up…” He ran a hand through his hair, hat set onto the table. He was trying. He was trying so hard to drive the thoughts away. He had started plans on a gala, something to get to know any new overlords in the area and to see if they were a threat. There was a new building opening soon that he needed to know about, a new club of some form. He would have to keep it in mind for Lilith to check out. There was some demon causing issues for him, attempting to cause havoc for the King himself, plans would be made to remind him where his place was.

There was a lot to deal with, a lot to keep his mind busy.

So why couldn’t the thoughts just shut _up_?

He clenched his hair just a bit, closing his eyes just a little tighter.

_Couldn’t even treat her right. Couldn’t be a good son. Couldn’t even be a good father. How could Lilith stay with someone like you?_

Tears started to prick at the edge of his eyes as the heavy sensation in his chest went from a pound to a ton. He moved to the balcony, hoping the cold winds would help with the mental struggle. He shivered a bit, his jacket still on the chair. “I tried. I actually tried. At least, I did that. I am not a horrible father.” He didn’t expect Charlie to be the prime focus on his thoughts. He would have thought it would have been his father, the pain from being thrown out, being banished permanently in Hell as it normally had been. 

He leaned on the banister, trying to place himself in the now, place himself where he was at.

Charlie was doing good; he had heard that the hotel was doing… alright. It wasn’t a huge success, no, but it was started. He was pleased with the progress. Why shouldn’t he be? 

_You rejected her._

He turned quickly and punched the wall, tears sliding down his cheeks. “I tried to protect her… I… I…” He felt his voice cracking. “I am not perfect… I…” He fell to his knees.

_You are flawed, imperfect. Why else were you thrown away? There is no such thing as a flawed angel._

He leaned his head against the wall, head pressing into one of the cracks. He should have been fine. He should have been able to get through this for more than three days. But already he felt worthless, powerless, an utter failure. He tried to remember the words Lilith always told him when he was down, when the thoughts crept back in while she was there, hand sliding through his hair to remind him that she was there. He tried to repeat them, tried to keep her close. “I was given free will, I chose to accept that. He made me who I am.” He stared at the wall, blood starting to run down as the crack cut into his skin.

He closed his eyes, the cries trying to come out of his throat. 

_You betrayed your daughter. You swore you would never hurt her as He had you._

He was not okay. He was not going to be okay… If he left this any longer…

He got up carefully, the tears still in his eyes as he made his way to his desk. He couldn’t be alone, but he didn’t trust anyone in that palace. He couldn’t let them see his vulnerability. He was shaking as he brought up the messenger, staring at his daughter’s name. 

_You deserve to suffer_

He started to type. 

_”Charlie, darling. I know this is probably not why you wish me to message, but I need to borrow Razzle and Dazzle for a few days. Are you able to spare them?”_

_Can’t even ask her to visit. You need to look so powerful you can’t even let her see you._

He hit send and took a deep breath to try and calm himself. He hoped it was enough…

~~~

Charlie looked up to the palace, feeling a little sick to her stomach. But she needed to know why Razzle and Dazzle were there. Vaggie squeezed her hand to give her some strength, to try and help her feel better as they went to the door. 

The moth chewed on her lip a bit as they walked in, noticing how empty it was. “You know… I did tell you I felt we should have come the moment he messaged you…” She looked at her girlfriend. “I am really starting to worry about all this.”

“Yeah… same…” Normally there was someone at the door to greet them. But the emptiness, how it seemed no one was home… “Maybe he gave them all a day off…?” The princess tried to smile, to try and bring something positive onto the plate rather than the gnawing sensation that something was horribly wrong. 

They continued in for a bit longer, trying to find something, anything. The worry started to build as no one was found, not even her father. 

Alastor appeared next to them, having been curious himself. He tilted his head, frowning in his own way. “You had said your room was on the one tower, correct? Facing the city?” He folded his arms behind his back as he kept pace with the other two.

When the girl nodded, the demon hummed. “I believe I saw one of the two fly out of there a moment ago while looking around outside…” He looked around. “By the way, it is as dead in here as the garden is…” 

Charlie looked at the Overlord and then Vaggie. “That… why would…?” Something really was wrong. Her father always made sure the garden was alive and well. He had once told her he missed the Garden of Eden, so having a garden was important to him, to make him remember what it was like and not miss it as much.

She let go of her girlfriend’s hand and started to run, the other two following close behind. She remembered the place as though it was on the back of her hand. 

Before they could get to her room, though, Alastor grabbed Charlie, eyes narrowed. The princess waited… him sniffing. Despite him being a deer, his cannibalistic nature transformed him into quite a hunter. “So… I think I should warn that… there is quite a bit of blood up ahead…” He had a bit of concern in his eyes.

That made Charlie worry even more before walking forward, careful. 

Just as she got to the door, she noticed what Alastor was talking about, the smell actually heavy from inside her old room. Was there also crying…?

She slowly opened the door up. The first thing she noticed was that, yes, someone was crying, someone trying to keep it quiet. The second was the blood on the floor. There was quite a lot, staining carpet, and possibly the bed. It took only moments to realize that the origin of the blood was not from just a random demon. It was from…

“...Dad…?” Her voice shook, looking at where his claws were digging deeply into his wrists. “Oh, God… Dad…” She rushed forward, taking his wrists to pull them away from each other. There was too much blood. She had to wonder how he hadn’t ripped his own hands off with how deep those gashes were; she could see he even scratched at the bone.

“Shit…” Vaggie stepped in, eyes widening. She looked at Alastor who was staying back for now. “We are going to need bandages. Um… shit, where were they?” She looked down as she tried to remember the place. She hadn’t been in there a lot…

She didn’t have to go looking, though, as the overlord manifested a few different bundles to hand to her. She actually smiled her thanks before rushing in, helping her girlfriend wrap the wrists up.

The ruler was keeping his head down as the two took care of him, fresh tears falling down his cheeks. He was only vaguely aware of someone else, though they walked off. Where the third person was going, he was unsure, but all he could do was shake, voice breaking as he started to apologize over and over.

Charlie remained silent as she tended to her father, careful not to cause much more pain until the wraps were secured. “Shh… It’s okay, dad. Let’s get you to your room…” She didn’t want him in there surrounded by his own blood. 

Vaggie helped him up, her being only slightly shorter being an advantage as he leaned on her. They led him out of there and through the halls once more. The size of that place was proving to be such an inconvenience now, seeing as the royal bedroom was down the stairs away from the tower. 

Charlie was pleasantly surprised when she reached the room, seeing Alastor had already gotten there. He had gotten a change of clothes out and set them on the bed as well as had a small tray on the side table with a glass of water, a small plate with what she recognized was beignets with what looked like raspberry syrup, and a shot glass with what she hoped was pain killers. She couldn’t see anything in it at the moment. The princess could only smile to Alastor, grateful. He may have enjoyed suffering and all this probably being very entertaining for him, but he wasn’t the worst person in Hell. He did do ‘good’ by those he respected, after all.

The two girls got Lucifer to at least sit down on his own bed. He had quieted down, looking mostly exhausted now. “Alastor?” Charlie looked at him. “Do you mind going to get a wet cloth?” She was glad he understood she was politely asking him to leave. After all, they did have to change her father, and she was not sure how the Overlord was with just plane nudity. But with the fact he just walked out instead of making the cloth appear, she figured that was the right call.

With little effort, they got the man unclothed. Vaggie was careful while using the already bloody clothes to get some off his skin. She only moved away when there was a knock, Alastor staying outside the room this time once she grabbed the wet rag. They got the blood off, Charlie got her father dressed and then carefully settled in the bed, sitting up on the headboard. She grabbed the glass of water and handed it to him, encouraging him to get a drink.

Vaggie backed out of the room, letting Charlie be with her dad, getting him to eat just a bit. As much as she didn’t trust Alastor, she didn’t want to ask anything while in front of Lucifer. “Have you ever heard of something like this happening?” She looked up to the older demon who was staring at the wall. He seemed to have been in his head…

He let out a small hum. “I don’t believe so.” He tapped his mic, the moth glad to see that the device was on the ‘off’ setting. “But I have a feeling that Lucifer and Lilith would make sure no one would know. The place is empty of all demons accept for us and Razzle and Dazzle.” He looked at the other, a sad form of amusement in his eyes.

“Didn’t think you would care about this situation.” 

“Oh, I don’t. Not really. But I do have a respect for Lucifer.” He looked over to the door. “He has quite a tragic story, really, but he overcame it… to see him so weak…” He made the mic vanish to make it easier to cross his hands behind his back. “More than likely we will both be threatened to keep this secret. Though if I was going to say a word I would have done so already. But I do like living in this afterlife.”

“Good.” Both of them flinched at the voice. Vaggie slowly turned to look up towards a demon taller than both of them, already knowing who it was. The queen did not look too pleased to see the both of them there… well, Vaggie had a feeling it was mostly Alastor she was not pleased with. But it was hard to tell. “Do remember that feeling. You know I can make sure you regret what you are.” She walked past them to go into her room, a saddened look taking hold.

Charlie was sitting next to her father. Lucifer was laying down, sleep already taking hold. He had exhausted himself from lack of sleep and pain. The queen knew all too well what went on with her love. The girl looked up when she noticed someone at the door. Carefully she stood as to not wake the sleeping form. “Mom…”

“Hello, dear.” Her voice was soft as she walked forward to hug her little spawn. “Come. Let him sleep. I can explain over some drinks.”

~~~

Lucifer slowly woke with the sensation of fingers through his hair, a gentle hum in his ear. Carefully, he started to sit up until the pain in his wrists made him whine. 

“Rest love.” He shifted to look at the one next to him, Lilith on her side to better keep an eye on him. “You won’t need to get up for some time.”

He reached forward, tears blurring his vision again. “Oh, Lily…” He felt her lean into his touch, her head shifting to kiss at his palm. “Why can’t I be fine without you…? Why do I need you so much…?” His voice broke.

The queen let out a sigh. “I remind you that you are so much more than what you were made to be. When I am gone, all you can remember is your failings…” She moved a little closer. “You scared our daughter, unfortunately. To say she was expecting your claws digging out your flesh would be quite a lie.” She gave him a soft smile at how torn he looked. “She is still here. Vaggie and that overlord are cleaning the blood up. Who would have thought he was a clean freak? Even learned new tricks to get blood out of fabric despite hating new technology.” She gave a chuckle despite seeing that none of this amused the ruler of Hell.

Lucifer looked down at the wrappings around his wrist, the feeling in his fingers still numbed. “She shouldn’t have seen me like that…”

“It was about time she understood that you are more broken than you let on, my love. We are honest with each other. Why not with our daughter?” She moved to kiss his head. “Get some more sleep. She will still be here in the morning.” She got out of the bed, planning on letting their child know he was okay.

“Lilith?” She turned back. He hadn’t moved to look back at her. “Am I a bad father?”

She was more surprised in herself that this question didn’t bother her. She felt she expected it at some point. “You do better than most here.” She smiled, albite sadly. “You don’t want to see her suffer. and we both know that will happen if this fails.” She walked back over, leaning down to take his hand. “She was never meant to be here, and we both know it. Her only crime is being our child. And we both understand that it is unfair to her.” She kissed his head. “We did our best. We can only hope it gives her the strength to be on her own. And to me, that doesn’t make either of us bad parents.” She kissed his head. “Rest…”

He curled up but nodded.

With that, she left to go give comfort to her little girl. The next day he would start recovering, and Charlie would return to that hotel of hers. Lilith could only hope next time Lucifer would find the strength to move past his insecurities and reach out to his daughter for help.

**Author's Note:**

> I do hope I managed to give Lucifer a small moment like Charlie would do when he was ready to get going with the day before his depression started to tear him down.
> 
> In other news, I feel like Charlie and her father are more alike than many would think. She feels like her plans are always failing causing internal depression. I would think getting cast away from Heaven would cause a depression issue for Lucifer. And I just wanted to make something on that. Also, I was feeling down myself because of my old job when this came up, so I was projecting a lot for this story.


End file.
